Wibbleflopp Weviews
I review 'EVERYTHING'
see previous review on ‘sex’
I love it. I find it’s best to set the mood first though. Dim the lights, put on some Barry White/The Proclaimers, then get in the mood. My whole procedure takes around 30 minutes, which can be broken down as follows: 10 minutes of teasing and fooling around, 5 minutes ‘getting the job done’, 30 seconds of release, 14 minutes and 30 seconds of sweating and cleaning up the mess. Only downside to the whole thing is my arse really hurts the next day.
Overall: 10/10 (or 1/10… Depends on my performance.)
I have been using ‘air’ for about 33 years now (give or take). I have to say I am quite addicted to ‘air’. It never gets boring. Sometimes its flavour is updated and altered (with varying levels of success) but all in all, I love ‘air’! In fact, I reckon the day I stop using ‘air’ will be the day I drop down dead.
Overall: 10/10
Tut. Tut. Tut. Tut. TUT. Tut. Tut. Tutty Tutty Tut Tut Tutty. A ‘strictly technical’ issue, eh? ‘Monumental Balls-up’ more like. Millions of loyal NatWestians (scientific term, fact fans!) have been left stranded with no access to wages, therefore no access to cakes and fags. And as the fuck up, what can only be described as the ‘everyman’s playstation account hacking’ (by me, anyway), STILL unfolds all I can say is this… the compensation had better be immense and milky.
Overall: 1/10
(ps. I don’t actually bank with NatWest. But my wife does.)
“when it comes through your door, you’re gonna have to mop the floor, I think you’d better call…”
My love for the Ghostbusters franchise is a strong, undying love. I was 5 years old when the movie originally came out and it (along with Gremlins) was the movie that made me love movies. So it’s influence stretched into everything with me, they were giving away free Ghostbusters transfers in a breakfast cereal? I had to have it. Hell, I would’ve bought Ghostbusters tampons if they were available. This love stretched to the video games of course, naturally. I was lucky enough to have a Sinclair Spectrum with a beloved copy of the interesting ‘business themed’ version of the film (which, it has to be said, didn’t quite capture the ‘comedy’ element of said film it was based) which was a good way to kill an hour (most of this hour was spent waiting for it to load).
Then came the Megadrive with their version. This was a traditional-ish 2d scrolling platformer but it had the novel option of choosing which Ghostbuster you wanted to be (except Winston of course because everyone hates him) and each character had their own qualities; Ray was slow because he was fat, Egon was fast because he had glasses and Peter was ‘normal’ at everything because everyone was going to choose him anyway.
So… after you’ve chosen Peter, you go to the first level. This is a call from a lady who has a ghost problem and when you start the level you realise that not only does she have a ghost problem, her house is a fucking mess as well… disjointed, sparse, many floors but no sort of ‘homey-feel’ about it… but, enough art-deco ramblings from me… the game itself plays ok. Slightly unfair at times (it’s a platformer) but it holds up pretty good. Graphically, it’s obvious this is the brainchild from someone in japan. Massive head on your Ghostbuster with a passable likeness gives it a comic feel (something lacking from the spectrum version) plus the enemies are quite sound too… except the ‘orb’ things that look like extras from a puzzle game… if such a thing exists… which it doesn’t…
Question is, is it like the film? Not really… There’s elements there but you are essentially doing a lot of jumping about (not something I remember in the film) and not trapping all ghosts… just shooting most of them in the bits so they evaporate…
So, in finishing, this game is Okay. The style is fun and there are some neat touches in later levels (marshmallow man appears, etc) but it can be quite infuriating. Plus it’s not a patch on the PS3 version…
Overall: 6/10
I would like to review this film in the form of a poem…
…ahem…
Oh Fast & Furious 5, I’m only now aware of thee, you are only two away, from matching Police Academy, only you’re not as good, or as clever, or as watchable, or as well acted, or as exciting, as Mission to Moscow, and that one was really shit. Why was the last film not called, ‘Fast & Four-ious’? Fast & Furious 5? Shit off. Overall: 0/10
…it was like watching a child, who has just drank too much strawberry milkshake, vomit into a parrot.
Overall: 0/10
We obtained ‘daisy’ from a place called Battersea Dogs Home. This place is brilliant if you want a dog. Or a cat. Or a person in a Battersea Dogs Home t-shirt. When we got ‘daisy’ home we began the set up process. The instruction manual was quite a read, but we decided ‘daisy’ should just be on ‘shop mode’ for a while. In ‘shop mode’, ‘daisy’ will lay on you, beg for food, look at you for a while, lick it’s genital area, lick it’s anal area, and (this is the cool bit) has a built in alarm system.
We noticed our ‘daisy’ was defective when our neighbours informed us our ‘daisy’s alarm system was going off continuously when we were out. the alarm system would also go off whenever the mail was delivered to our front door (there would sometimes be blood there too.).
We contacted Battersea Dogs Home and they informed us that ‘daisy’ had a three year guarantee, however she was just out of warranty (she is almost four years old) and ‘daisy’ cannot be replaced or exchanged. We were also informed that ‘daisy’ is a ‘dog’ and not an ‘appliance’ and that ‘shop mode’ was merely ‘me pulling daisy’s tail’.
‘daisy’ is not the best invention. Design wise it is pleasing to the eye but it has problems. Plus it shits in the house…
Overall: 5/10
I loved this bit of kit… Until it started going wrong and merging my recordings. Very poor.
Overall: 1/10
3-2-1 is a gripping, edge of your seat drama starring Kiefer Sutherland as Jack Bauer, a man who is having a very bad day. He must solve some incredibly cryptic puzzles in order to save the world (or win a holiday). Jack is cleverly disguised as a middle-aged Yorkshireman in a shit jumper and is solving the puzzles with his lady assistant ‘Julie’ (played by Claire Forlani, probably). The evil quiz master ‘Ted Rogers’ (played by Tommy Lee Jones) asks the questions aided by an evil robot dustbin. The drama is exciting and the numerous special guests (Barbara Dickson, Tom O’Connor, etc) really adds to the thrills. Terribly exciting viewing.
Overall: 9/10
